FREE THOUGHT: A Boss, Not a Bitch

FREE THOUGHT: A Boss, Not a Bitch
Being a woman, and a woman of color for that matter, I’m always faced with the constant accusations of being a bitch with a bad attitude. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to “fix my face” I would be a millionaire. And if I had a dollar for every time I had to explain to people that I’m fine, its just… well.. my face, then I’d be a billionaire.

In the last couple of years, I’ve earned the title feminist. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become aware of a few issues, that only a woman faces and can understand. One of them being, having to dumb myself down, or be less than what I am capable of, just so that my male counterparts and romantic interests are comfortable. If I be myself, a young black woman, then I face the risk of being labeled a bitch. And I have a big problem with that. Because I’m not….

The last time I looked up the definition of a bitch,
Β it was a female dog & I, Kaitlyn, am not that
Anyone that knows me knows that I do not follow the rules. I make my own. And yes, they’ve gotten me in trouble sometimes. And yes, I’ve had to sit and watch people, like my parents shake their heads at me and lecture me about the do’s and don’ts of life and how to get by. But it’s just not who I am. I’m an “all-equal, no bullshit, don’t mess with me” kind of girl. I’m nice about it thought! I promise!
For the life of me I can not understand why men (and some women…who just don’t know any better) feel the need and the right to call women bitches. Where did that originate? Why do you feel that it’s okay to call a female a bitch?
I’m not a bitch
I’m a woman
A queen…Β A BOSS

I’ve seen this all too often and it bothers me. We’ve all been victim to the assertive male, walking through the door, demanding what he wants, and achieving great success and being looked at as a leader. And then someone like us, ladies, who walks through that same door, trying to be assertive, negotiating what we deserve, because, yes..we work 10x as hard, and instead of achieving that success and gratitude, we’re not labeled as a leader, but as a bitch.Or have you dated that man, that felt the need to tell you that you are less than him. And that he is the head of the household and of that relationship, and you have to sit, like a cute little lady and shut the hell up.

I’ve been subject to both. And I have a few messages for my lady-friends out there who struggle with the same thing on the daily. I’m going to share these messages with you because I can no longer sit here and watch my sisters lack in self-confidence because of their Resting Bitch Face…

1) Get Yours

Do not, EVER, feel like you are not capable of getting everything and anything that you deserve. If you put the hard work into it, then you better get your reward. Don’t let anyone’s judgements and ignorance get in the way of your goals

2) One of These Is Not Like The Other

Stop Comparing yourself and your experiences and your life to other peoples’. Because no two lives are alike. You’ve family, your past, your story is completely different then the next person and therefore you two will have different outcomes in life. What got you to this point, is solely your own so be grateful for your journey

3) Thicken Up

You have to grow a thick skin. I know I have… and I had to learn the hard way. Because people will feel the need and think they have the right to give their opinions about who you are as a person. They’ll tell you you’re too sensitive, too passive, too moody. And you need to be able to take that in, and let it go without getting upset.

4) You Are A Leader

Sometimes we fail to see the true leader in ourselves, because we’re constantly being overshadowed. We all have the ability to be leaders. Own it! And if people don’t get it or just can’t quite see it yet, thats okay. Give them some time. They need to catch up to you, you’re vision, and who you are as a woman.



  1. October 26, 2015 / 2:06 PM

    Here from the Blogging Elite πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing this, I LOVED it! It's so true. I've been told that I'm arrogant when I was being confident, and I think that a man in my situation might not have faced similar criticism! You should read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. I read it a few weeks ago, and it talks about these issues and more. I seriously think it should be a must read for all men and women!

    • October 29, 2015 / 3:39 AM

      Isn't it just crazy! I've been called arrogant too but then my male coworker is 'the man'. Makes no sense! And thanks for the book recommendation! I'll have to check that out.

  2. October 26, 2015 / 3:49 PM

    Loved this! I also am always constantly called out to smile more, which is 1)so irritating and 2)never ever happens to men. Resting bitch face seriously needs to stop being a saying, it's my face, no need to label it "bitchy"

    • October 29, 2015 / 3:41 AM

      I hate it so much! Esp when I come in to work and my boss says "fix your face" No darling.. this is my face! Get used to it! lol Happy you understand where I'm coming from

  3. October 26, 2015 / 6:17 PM

    Damn right! Lady bosses rule. Even I don't understand the discrimination. A man gets things done, he's a leader. A woman does that, she's a bitch. We really need to outgrow this. And such inspiring posts are the way to go. πŸ™‚

    • October 29, 2015 / 3:45 AM

      Thank you! I literally just can't anymore! LOL we're just as much leaders as they are… I mean… Actually even better lol we need to be recognized πŸ™‚

  4. October 26, 2015 / 6:35 PM

    PREACH IT!! Love this article. This is such an important thing to discuss, it's awesome to see that another woman has taken it on!

    • October 29, 2015 / 3:46 AM

      Thanks! You know we need to stick together πŸ™‚

  5. October 27, 2015 / 8:33 PM

    I love what you had to say in this post. The double standard is still so real and it's time that we as women take a stand and make the world realize that strong women are bosses, not bitches.

    All the Best,
    Allison Jones |

    • October 29, 2015 / 3:47 AM

      It's really about to be a life hanging time for women. As long as we all have each other's backs anything is possible!

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